


Anew

by LearaBribage



Series: the missing pages [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist (Live Action), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, 青鳥の虛像 Fullmetal Alchemist | Fullmetal Alchemist: Bluebird's Illusion
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Issues, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Riza "I'm Tired(TM)" Hawkeye - Freeform, Roy "I Don't Know How To Pine Without Being Angsty" Mustang - Freeform, The Kids Are Not All Right(TM), Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LearaBribage/pseuds/LearaBribage
Summary: Roy burns parts of the Flame Alchemy tattoo on Riza's back. He can't stop saying sorry.-He curbed the urge to sigh again, closing his eyes for a moment. "Of course," is what he said, but truly, what he wanted to say was I don't want to lose you, so I will do as you say, but it does not mean that you have to carry this sorrow alone.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: the missing pages [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731022
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Anew

_Cohabitemus placide, fove me in frigore, da mihi lucem me in obscuritate  
_ _spiritus ignis, [te saluto et tibi gratias ago]_

* * *

"I'm sorry," he couldn't help repeating as he carefully burned a few sections of her skin. Prior this, they agreed to remove the upper portions on the left side and a small section on the lower right of her back. They agreed that these bore the inscriptions that contributed heavily to the destructive ability of the Flame Alchemy that her father, Berthold, had perfected before his death. Despite this agreement, her small whimpers as he pinpointed the flames over her skin still made him grit his teeth. "I'm sorry."  
  
"I know what I asked, so please," she gasped, gritting her teeth as her nails dug in her skin. Roy sighed, blowing little breaths over the burned areas over her back to cool the skin. Gently, he pressed a damp cloth over her back to help heal the marks further. She exhaled slowly, resting her head on the arm of the chair. "Please don't say sorry."  
  
He curbed the urge to sigh again, closing his eyes for a moment. "Of course," is what he said, but truly, what he wanted to say was _I don't want to lose you, so I will do as you say, but it does not mean that you have to carry this sorrow alone. _  
  
However, it was still too early for both of them to acknowledge, even as it was too late for them to not be aware of each other already. Still, he cannot take advantage of her like this, and Riza Hawkeye deserved much better than that. With this in mind, he gritted his teeth, thinking how long it has been since they were last together with just the two of them. He recalled that it was right after the funeral of her father, a day without rain even as the skies were somber and grey. A fortuitous day, even for him, because it was also the day she entrusted him the secret of this cursed flame alchemy that was carved on her back.  
  
Roy scrutinised the burn marks again, swallowing hard. What father does this to his only daughter? While Roy greatly respected the knowledge of his master, he never really saw him especially caring towards her. The most paternal he ever saw of the master was in his very last moments, when he asked him to take care of Riza. He did not want to ask her about it because he does not want to stigmatise the memories of Berthold, but he has long thought that her decision to carry this on her back was done with mixed feelings.

 _The ties to one's family,_ he thought sadly, _cannot be lightly considered, after all. It will always have a way of shadowing one generation after another. _  
  
Still, he cannot help his hands from balling into fists as he assessed the damage he did on her skin. Trying not to be frustrated again, he stroked the burns on her skin as gently as he could. "I'll be putting on some lotion now, all right?"  
  
Riza nodded with a sigh, her lids falling. Roy will not blame her for being exhausted. During the early stages of the Ishval campaign, he had to tend to his own wounds most of the time since medical supplies were hard to retrieve in the field. Additionally, almost all the doctors were concentrated in the headquarters at the border of Ishval and Resembool. In particular, he suddenly recalled one incident where he was rescued by Hughes from the rage of Heathcliff Erbe.

His shoulders slumped in despair.   
  
Heathcliffe was an Ishvalan cadet he and Hughes had befriended in the military academy, and for them to meet in the field from opposing sides was like being re-aqcuianted with hell again — no matter that each body engulfed in his flames became fodder for nightmares that will be forever etched in his memory. He had hesitated countering Heathcliffe because truly, he had not expected that he would be there, though he should have. Once Executive Order 3066 was enacted, there were reports of even Ishvalan soldiers being mercilessly killed at Central. It was reasonable to assume that Erbe, tough as he was, would have chosen to escape from the city before joining the opposing faction. It was just his naivete over again, hoping that he would not have to face an old friend despite the cruel odds.   
  
His eye twitched, and he watched Heathcliff firing a gun at him in his head all over again. He clutched the side of his abdomen, wheezing as he tried to get ahold of himself.   
  
_I can't do this, not while she's not all right_ , he screamed inwardly, removing his hand from Riza's back. He gripped the cloth as hard he could, hoping the shaking would cease. He had to concentrate. Swallowing hard, he scrutinised her back in front of him again. His eyes caught the burns over her skin, and he blanked out for a few seconds. He placed a hand over his face, shaking his head. _Get a grip, damn it_ , he thought.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he placed the damp cloth on the table beside him then took the bottle of lotion. Uncapping the bottle, he proceeded to mechanically lather the lotion on the burned areas of her skin. He could hear her deep breaths as he massaged her back slowly. _Right_ , he thought woodenly, _one small breath and then another. Bit by bit._  
  
Once he has finished, he looked over her. She was sound asleep already. He let out a sigh of relief. He had not disturbed her, after all. With that, he took the blanket behind him and carefully covered her form, averting his eyes as properly as he could. He will not take advantage of her like that, no. Again, Riza deserved much better than this. As he laid her head in a more comfortable position on the couch, her eyes opened suddenly.  
  
"Did I wake you?" he whispered, kneeling beside her. "Please rest easy now, Hawkeye."  
  
She gave him a fond smile, even as her eyes were drooping from exhaustion. "Thank you," she whispered back, "you have set me free, Roy. I owe you."  
  
His cheeks grew warm as she uttered his first name, trying to hide his face with the fringes of his jet black hair. Truly, when it came to her, he really didn't know how to not look like an idiot. Her eyes, her voice, her tenderness — all that she gifts him without asking for anything in return — were more than enough. Still, the notion that she owed him for this was something he had to set right. "You can never owe me for anything, so please rest now."  
  
Her lips curled again before her lids fell. She had fallen asleep again. _That's good_ , he thought fondly, watching her breathe more evenly.  
  
"If anything," he spoke softer than he ever knew he could, "I owe _you_ everything, Riza."  
  
Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips on her forehead for a moment. He rose once a breeze passed by, watching the moonlight frame her flaxen hair. He exhaled slowly, closing the light in her room.  
  
He took one last look at her when he was at the door. Just like this, the moon catching her hair, she was starlight. This one image of her, he would quietly keep in his memory despite the dusk of today. Surely, that was all right? To lend each other strength against the flood of despair around them? 

Lightly, he closed the door behind him with a small smile. Someday, they will meet each other again.  
  
When that day comes, he will give her a promise.  
  
The promise of a new tomorrow.

* * *

_Totus est in armis idem quando nudus est Amor  
_ _Cras amet qui numquam amavit quique amavit cras amet_

**Author's Note:**

> I sooooo wanted them to, like, kiss and hug in this vignette. However, my mind would not agree, (this happening after Ishval, after all) and so we have this angsty ficlet instead. They are so tender here, though. I hope that's fine. 
> 
> This scene and all of Roy's thoughts here have been in my mind ever since I read the manga and watched FMAB this year. Like, in my head, there was like that nagging voice that kept asking, "What father would do that to his daughter? What the hell, man?" Sometimes, it was, "What happened when Roy burned parts of her back? Why is there no omake or even 4-koma panel on this?" Or recently, after finishing the OVA, I was, like, "Wow, thanks for punching my heart, man." Like, it was stuck there for a while, begging for release until I found the words. I really hope it was all right. 
> 
> Also, the Latin inscription here, I got it from [here](https://greed-the-dorkalicious.tumblr.com/post/145944671067/soterianyxs-analysis-and-interpretation-of-riza). Fascinating read, I tell you. Oh, and the translations are: 
> 
> Cohabitemus placide, fove me in frigore, da mihi lucem me in obscuritate  
> spiritus ignis, [te saluto et tibi gratias ago]
> 
> Let us dwell together in peace, warm me in the cold, give me light in the darkness  
> Spirit of fire, [I wish you well and thank you]
> 
> -
> 
> Totus est in armis idem quando nudus est Amor  
> Cras amet qui numquam amavit quique amavit cras amet
> 
> Love is as completely mighty as he is naked  
> Let him love tomorrow who has never loved, and let him who has loved, love tomorrow
> 
> -
> 
> Berthold, you romantic fuck. A part of me thinks he probably foresaw Roy and Riza falling for each other, lol. Whaddya think? XD Also, is there a Royai discord server? If so, let me know! ^_^


End file.
